Life After Christmas
Life after Christmas!
I don’t know about y’all, but I love Christmas — and I hate cleaning up after the holidays. Really hate it! Still, there’s something about getting everything put away, straightened up, and cleaned that speaks to a healthy start to the new year.
I’ve done the same with my goals and plan for 2018. Thanks to the fabulous Maggie Worth, I created a fresh plan for the year with goals that truly speak to me and support the life I want to live.
How about you? What’s your most important goal for the new year, or are you just winging it? (You pantser, you!)
Another Year, A New Year
About eighteen months ago, I was in one of my favorite places ever, a small town in Michigan where I take my kids to visit with their uncle and his family every other summer. It was the year my health had finally started going haywire enough that I was able to find a couple of solutions (and even more questions). It was a time when I was heading into self-publishing and taking control of my career, and also the time when my ability to write was beginning to break down.
About eighteen months ago, I was in one of my favorite places ever, a small town in Michigan where I take my kids to visit with their uncle and his family every other summer. It was the year my health had finally started going haywire enough that I was able to find a couple of solutions (and even more questions). It was a time when I was heading into self-publishing and taking control of my career, and also the time when my ability to write was beginning to break down. It was a scary and happy and not-always-clear time for me. When I saw this mug, it was a reminder that I just had to be strong, to believe in myself. The irony is that, here I am, eighteen months later, sitting beside my Christmas tree sipping wassail from the same mug and remembering how much courage the intervening time has taken. I'm recovering from a surgery I never imagined I'd need. I have seven books under my belt. I'm still figuring out the whole self-publishing thing and how to balance my life and career. And frankly, parts of the past year have scared the hell outta me. But I'm still here.
And now I'm finding the courage for another year ahead. More challenges, personally and professionally, more accomplishments, definitely more ups and downs -- it's life, so that's a given! And yet, it's not all about courage, really. Getting up every day and facing the day ahead is sometimes just managing to put one foot in front of the other. And sometimes it's about trust, even when you can't see what the future holds.
I'll be honest: the past eighteen months have not been the journey I expected. It's hard to trust the process, whether it's writing a book or getting through life, when previous experience tells you it might not be good. Many of us hold back on trust for that reason, don't we?
But in order to have the life we want, we have to look forward, not back, not all the time. We have to face the journey and trust that it will teach us what we need to learn.
I have a friend who recently moved across the country. No plan, not even a place to live. My friend was alone, without any responsibilities to others, and decided that a clean slate, a fresh start was exactly what this phase of their life called for. And despite it being scary, they have decided to trust the journey to take them where they need to go. I wish I had that kind of courage. I think I do, somewhere inside me; I think we all do if we decide it's there.
This New Year, it's time to shed everything but the lessons the past has taught us and step forward into a new year's journey. I plan to trust the process, good or bad, but I'm pushing for good. :)
What about you? Where is your journey taking you this year?
~ Ella
Hump Day Healthy Writer: Journaling
The past couple of weeks have been stressful, and the next couple of weeks promise to be more so. See, I'm releasing a book this Friday. I'm also having surgery. Yes, the same day. It was either that or ruin Christmas with my kids, and I would rather miss a release day. I've been scrambling to get everything finished ahead of time, get my ducks in a row, deal with the anxiety of going under the knife, finish my next book's rough draft that is a month overdue
The past couple of weeks have been stressful, and the next couple of weeks promise to be more so. See, I'm releasing a book this Friday. I'm also having surgery. Yes, the same day. It was either that or ruin Christmas with my kids, and I would rather miss a release day. I've been scrambling to get everything finished ahead of time, get my ducks in a row, deal with the anxiety of going under the knife, finish my next book's rough draft that is a month overdue... I know all about STRESS with a capital S (and every other letter, for that matter!). Luckily I've been able to handle it much better than I did last year, when stress just about landed me in the hospital (and not because I needed surgery). I've learned how to deal, and one of the key ways I've dealt with the chaos is through journaling.
I know what you're thinking -- well, mostly. I resisted journaling for a long time. "It just doesn't work for me," I'd say. "I can't remember to journal every day." Or "Journaling is for teenage girls." Or even "I don't have time to write pages about my feelings -- I need to write pages on my next book!" But all the excuses in the world weren't helping me deal with the stress that had taken over my life and the physical effects it was having on my body.
So I gave in.
“Art is born in attention,” Julia Cameron says in The Artist's Way. “The reward for attention is always healing.” What I found in my own life was that the chaos created by my expectations, demands, and limits kept me from paying attention to my creative voice. I had to get rid of all the chaos to find my creative path again -- so I began writing it all down.
Sounds weird, huh? But that's honestly what I did. Nothing fancy. No following the writing rules or even making sense at some points. I just put pen to paper and let whatever come out. Anything and everything that popped into my mind, it went onto the page at the beginning of the day. Cameron calls these "morning pages," but I've found that they help at any time of the day, whenever the chaos overwhelmed me. I even had my daughter journaling at night before bed, when worry would keep her from sleeping. I call it "brain drain," draining out all the emotion and worry and chaos onto the page so I don't have to carry it around with me.
And you know what? Despite all my protesting, it really works. I don't try to solve anything (though I might write down possible solutions as they come to me). I don't try to explain away what I'm feeling. I just put it down on paper. I leave it there, and often it actually stays put. :) Grab a spiral notebook, nothing fancy, and get everything out.
As time goes on, I find myself having to write less. Oh, I still write every day, but not for an hour. Often now my journaling sessions evolve into plotting sessions for my latest project. It's as if the dam has opened up and my creativity now has the ability to flow without the blockage of stress and worry. As the past couple of weeks have devolved into stress, I've journaled a little more, and found relief there. Yes, there is still a lot to do, and yes, I am still going into the hospital, but I'm not carrying the weight of the world around inside my head, trying to solve everything that needs to be solved. I can put it down on paper and leave it there for a little while.
If you're struggling with stress and worry and find it making you sick and stealing your creativity, this is one thing you can explore that just might help. I know it has me. One step at a time, one little positive move forward. Piled one on top of the other, they can be your building blocks to a healthier, more creative life. Just try it.
~ Ella
Hump Day Healthy Writer
I have a secret: for the past year I've worried that I'd lost my mojo. Sometimes I wondered if I wanted to write at all. Every day at the page seemed to be a battle, and I knew deep down it would be easier to give up the fight and just go back to being someone's employee instead of the boss. The responsible one. The creative one. So why didn't I? Because I couldn't.
I have a secret: for the past year I've worried that I'd lost my mojo. Sometimes I wondered if I wanted to write at all. Every day at the page seemed to be a battle, and I knew deep down it would be easier to give up the fight and just go back to being someone's employee instead of the boss. The responsible one. The creative one. So why didn't I? Because I couldn't.
First, I knew without a doubt that writing is what I'm meant to do. I've always known it. I can't forget about it even if I don't actually do it. So there's that.
Second, I knew that the loss of my creativity -- and that's exactly what it was -- had nothing to do with whether or not I was a writer in my heart. Really it was all about chemistry. My body chemistry. My health. There were a lot of health issues, old and many many new, that were pouring down on my head. They were the thieves stealing my mojo. I just couldn't figure out how to steal it back.
Some days I still don't know. But I'm slowly beginning to understand, to find answers for myself and find others who know answers. And I want to share those answers with you.
Readers or writers, we all have minds, and sometimes those minds don't work like they're supposed to. Mine doesn't, not anymore. I'll get into why in later HDHW posts, but suffice it to say my mind, my moods, my ability to write and sometimes even think has been impacted in a way I never expected -- and was totally clueless how to deal with. I've been on a long journey, and I've learned a little here and there along the way. I'm not a medical professional. I'm not a health guru. I'm just an ordinary woman who had to find answers when no one else seemed to have them. I'm a writer who watched her mind slowly dying and knew she had to do something. If you've ever felt the same, or if you've felt the effects of isolation, constant computer use, and the other tolls of this job (and many others in our tech-heavy world), then this blog series is for you.
And hopefully me, because I want to learn from you too.
Check back the first Wednesday of every month for a new Hump Day Healthy Writer, and share your experiences and what works for you. You never know who can be helped by the small piece of wisdom you possess.
~ Ella
No Sick Days
There are no sick days in writing.
Okay, for some people there are, but unfortunately I’m not one of them. Between the kids and the editing gig and just plain normal maintenance -- hey, this body didn’t get this way by itself. Actually, it did, but I’m trying to work on that! ;) -- I have to write when I have time, not when I feel like it. And that means writing when I’m sick. Depressed. Just don’t want to.
Suck it up, buttercup. You still have to write.
This week I’m on a deadline. My wonderful editor has sent me revisions that will make Just a Little More a “more better” story. And that means I need to actually follow through on them (imagine that!). I spent this past week struggling through therapy for a bulging disc in my neck, and this weekend both my son and I got hit with a nasty virus (him more than me). All I wanted was to curl up in the bed, cover my head, and sleep the bad feelings away…but I can’t. I have to write. The week ahead is already full of work, and the revisions have to be squeezed in around that. The whip must be cracked and the laptop must be opened. There’s no time to waste on a sick day.
My birthday is coming up in about six weeks. Think I could wish for a sick day when I blow out the candles? ;)
How ’bout you, do you get sick days? Wish you did? Save them for when you aren’t really sick? (Wish I had that option!)
~ Ella
Photo courtesy of mcfarlandmo.
The Yin Yang That Is My Life
This week, I go back to the doctor for what seems like the umpteenth time. I'm there every three months for a checkup, and it's something I hate to do. Being a perfectionist, I struggle with the constant feeling that, for my doctor, I can never be good enough -- and I can't. At any given time I find I can only work to improve one thing, and something else inevitably gets left behind. If I'm working hard to stick to my diet, I end up not working out enough. If I'm working out five days a week, I'm not watching what I eat carefully enough (usually because I'm starving after all those workouts!). If I'm working hard on a writing project or a new writing skill, both workouts and diet go by the wayside.
Needless to say, my doc is never completely happy with any of it.
That's not to say I am completely happy with it. If I was, I wouldn't dread going to see him so much. But this year my goal has been to accept imperfection, to realize that no one is perfect -- especially me -- and to be okay with the process instead of some nebulous end result. The yin yang symbol is my daily reminder that no light is completely devoid of darkness, and yet no darkness is completely devoid of light. It's okay not to be perfect as long as I'm striving to improve, and on my darkest days, I am never a complete failure either, no matter how much I might feel like I am.
Yin yang is all about balance. Balance by its very nature cannot be attained if I am perfect all of the time -- and all that perfection would probably make me arrogant anyway. :) If I am perfect in one area, another must naturally fall away. It's that whole "you cannot be all things to all people," except applied to myself. I can't do it all, no matter how much I want to. I'm trying to realize that, accept it, and not beat myself up about it like I have for the last 39 perfectionist-driven years. So when I go into my doctor's office this week and he looks at me and asks how I've been doing, I'll say I've been doing okay and mean it. I'm not required to be anything else. I don't have to be fantastic. I can just be okay -- a work in progress, as we say in the writing world. That work leads to some really great stories, and I look forward to the process. :)
Great minds think alike! Head on over to my sister Dani Wade's blog and see what she has to say about being a WIP today!
*Above picture courtesy of DonkeyHotey on Flickr.