10 Things I Love about Fall
Can it really be true? FALL is finally here!
I don't know about you, but when October and cooler temperatures hit, my entire body breathes a sigh of relief. Everyone has their favorite season, and mine is definitely Autumn (followed closely by winter, because Christmas!).
While I'm busy working on DESIRE ME (coming in January), I'm also enjoying this little season of life before my daughter gets married. And a huge part of my happiness right now is Fall.
What do you love about this season? I love...
Being able to go outside when it isn't 100 degrees! (I live in the South, y'all--it's always hot.)
Snuggling under a blanket in my writing chair.
Even the chill in the morning when I get out of bed thrills me! (I know, I'm weird...)
My new fall teacup for morning coffee!
And speaking of which...coffee! I have a new flavor, Highland Grog (sounds funny, right? Cinnamon and rum--soooo good!)
Snuggles with Oliver. He seems to especially love cuddling now that it's cooler.
The changing leaves. Brilliant oranges and yellows and reds have made my heart sing since I was a young girl on my family's farm, staring at the huge maple tree near our pond.
Pajama pants! I get too warm in summer to wear them, but they are so comfy in the fall.
This will sound funny, but...a softer sun. There is something harsh about the sun in summer, but moving into Autumn, the sun softens, more like it's kissing your face than burning it. When I go outside for a walk, I love that.
And finally, my favorite thing about the fall season is TIME MOVING BACK, of course! Who doesn't like an extra hour of sleep?
More POSITIVE LIFE
More POSITIVE LIFE for May! Are you ready?
A positive life must include SLEEP! That’s what I’m learning. I always knew I didn’t feel good when I went low on sleep, but the past couple of years? I get the walk-into-the-wall, too-fuzzy-to-think, can’t-deal-with-life blues if I don’t rest. I feel so much better, clearer headed and able to, yes, be positive, if I just get adequate sleep!
I’m also learning that the kind of sleep you get makes a difference. Apparently not dreaming is a big deal—you’re not getting REM sleep. I rarely dream anymore, although I used to when I was younger. I’ve always been envious of authors who literally dream their stories up.
What about you? Do you get enough sleep, or are you one of those people who doesn’t seem to need much. (That’s NEVER been me! 😝 )
Positive Life
I admit that there is one aspect of a POSITIVE LIFE that is giving me some negative moments:
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY 😟
It seems like every time I make a push to get more active, an old injury rears its ugly head. Recently it’s been my knee—I have damage to one knee that is limiting both how vigorous I can be and even slow activities that require me to bend, like tai chi.
*whine* I just want to work out and get it over with! *whine*
So what obstacles get in the way of your physical fitness? How do you overcome them? I could use the encouragement, so share your story with me!
Positive Life
Many people have talked this month about their “word for the year.” This is a concept I absolutely love, a way to narrow down your focus to one concept that you want to bring into your life. Too often we have 50 million goals and accomplish none of them. I like to focus in and actually get somewhere, LOL!
I have more than a word for this year, though. It’s a phrase: POSITIVE LIFE. I’m looking to inhale the positive and exhale the negative. Be happy with my life and my choices and my goals, and strip away the things that cause anxiety and stress and depression. What about you? Do you have a focus word or phrase for this year? Do you set New Year’s resolutions every year? I know I’m not the only one, and I’m hoping this year will be better and happier and more positive for us all!
What's In The Box?
* * * January Monthly Contest * * *
This month it’s all about surprises and anticipation! I have an assorted grab bag of paperback books, a MYSTERY BOX, that I’ll be mailing to this month’s winner, along with some great swag. (International entries are welcome!)
So tell me, what are you looking forward to this year? I have several things that I’m anticipating, personally and professionally, not the least of which is releasing another book this spring (MOMENT, anyone? 😉 ). My son starting his senior year of high school in the fall. The possibility of getting a new (to me, lol) car. What about you? What is going on in your life right now that you’re relishing? Let’s share some good things for 2018!
Head on over to my Facebook page for your chance to win!
*** Likes and shares with your booklover friends are appreciated but not required! Contest ends JANUARY 26th! ***
Balance
How do I find that balance?
In all honesty, I think that’s a never-ending journey. Every time a rock shifts, we have to realign. Every time something settles, we have to readjust. In this new stage of life, I’m still finding my way. I know I’m doing something right, though, because I’m writing. And I’m finding joy. Those are the best indicators of balance for me.
How about you? How do you find balance? How do you know when you’ve succeeded?
Balance.
It’s an easy word to say. Not so hard to live.
A lot of the parts of my life are out of balance right now. Getting my oldest settled in college. My youngest getting his driver’s license—oy! Reorganizing my work so I have more time to focus on writing. Things falling by the wayside, and new things cropping up to stuff themselves in their place. If I’ve learned anything in over four decades of life, it’s that the chaos never stops, but my body and emotions need balance.
Field Trip: Dismals Canyon
Earlier this month my family took a trip together, something we don't get to do often with teenagers working and my husband and I so busy. We visited a place here in Alabama called Dismals Canyon. The canyon is a "pristine wilderness" you can read more about here. I've truly never seen anything this beautiful in the US.
The area is wooded, with massive sandstone chunks lying haphazardly around the canyon. One of the images below shows my husband next to an outer wall of the gorge, giving you the scale of what we were looking at. Dismals Branch, a crystal-clear creek, runs through the entire canyon with its beautiful sand-and-rock bottom. The waterfall at the entrance to Dismals Canyon is thunderous and, yes, the water is icy cold! (You can see my daughter and niece trying it out -- many squeals were heard, let me tell ya!)
At night the canyon walls reveal the reason for their name: a species of glow worms known as Dismalites that light up in the darkness. I've included an image here from the canyon's website, showing the Dismalites. It was impossible to photograph, but you can imagine the wonder of walking along the trails and realizing you'd been there just a few hours earlier and not realized such fascinating creatures were there with you until it became dark.
The entire area is peaceful, a great place for my family to reconnect and share in the wonder of nature. Have you ever visited someplace like this, a natural wonder that made you catch your breath?
Another Year, A New Year
About eighteen months ago, I was in one of my favorite places ever, a small town in Michigan where I take my kids to visit with their uncle and his family every other summer. It was the year my health had finally started going haywire enough that I was able to find a couple of solutions (and even more questions). It was a time when I was heading into self-publishing and taking control of my career, and also the time when my ability to write was beginning to break down.
About eighteen months ago, I was in one of my favorite places ever, a small town in Michigan where I take my kids to visit with their uncle and his family every other summer. It was the year my health had finally started going haywire enough that I was able to find a couple of solutions (and even more questions). It was a time when I was heading into self-publishing and taking control of my career, and also the time when my ability to write was beginning to break down. It was a scary and happy and not-always-clear time for me. When I saw this mug, it was a reminder that I just had to be strong, to believe in myself. The irony is that, here I am, eighteen months later, sitting beside my Christmas tree sipping wassail from the same mug and remembering how much courage the intervening time has taken. I'm recovering from a surgery I never imagined I'd need. I have seven books under my belt. I'm still figuring out the whole self-publishing thing and how to balance my life and career. And frankly, parts of the past year have scared the hell outta me. But I'm still here.
And now I'm finding the courage for another year ahead. More challenges, personally and professionally, more accomplishments, definitely more ups and downs -- it's life, so that's a given! And yet, it's not all about courage, really. Getting up every day and facing the day ahead is sometimes just managing to put one foot in front of the other. And sometimes it's about trust, even when you can't see what the future holds.
I'll be honest: the past eighteen months have not been the journey I expected. It's hard to trust the process, whether it's writing a book or getting through life, when previous experience tells you it might not be good. Many of us hold back on trust for that reason, don't we?
But in order to have the life we want, we have to look forward, not back, not all the time. We have to face the journey and trust that it will teach us what we need to learn.
I have a friend who recently moved across the country. No plan, not even a place to live. My friend was alone, without any responsibilities to others, and decided that a clean slate, a fresh start was exactly what this phase of their life called for. And despite it being scary, they have decided to trust the journey to take them where they need to go. I wish I had that kind of courage. I think I do, somewhere inside me; I think we all do if we decide it's there.
This New Year, it's time to shed everything but the lessons the past has taught us and step forward into a new year's journey. I plan to trust the process, good or bad, but I'm pushing for good. :)
What about you? Where is your journey taking you this year?
~ Ella
Recipe of the Month: Flourless Chocolate Cake
I've talked a bit in my Hump Day Healthy Writer posts about the food allergies I've developed over the last couple of years. The change in my diet is never felt more keenly than at the holidays, when all the traditional family treats I've made for years are now off limits. So what's a girl with gluten, soy, and dairy allergies supposed to do?
I've talked a bit in my Hump Day Healthy Writer posts about the food allergies I've developed over the last couple of years. The change in my diet is never felt more keenly than at the holidays, when all the traditional family treats I've made for years are now off limits. So what's a girl with gluten, soy, and dairy allergies supposed to do? Find new treats, of course!
It takes time, but I'm finding it can be done. And with Christmas just around the corner, I'm even more determined to make new food memories. And who doesn't love chocolate? That's why this month's recipe is:
Just a couple of things before we get to the recipe. First, this recipe is one I found on the King Arthur Flour website (click on the recipe title to go to their original post). Ironic, isn't it? They have a great gluten-free (GF) flour blend, one of the few I've found that includes no soy or dairy. And their website has great GF recipes as well.
Second, most chocolate contains soy lecithin. Some people with soy allergies can tolerate soy lecithin or even soybean oil, as both contain only trace amounts of soy protein, but I am not one of them -- I'm allergic to the plant itself, not just the protein. I use Enjoy Life brand chocolate, available in many grocery stores in the organic section. (There is a store guide on their website.) You can also substitute cocoa powder: 1 tablespoon of cocoa, 1 teaspoon of oil, and 3.5 teaspoons of sugar = 1 oz. of semisweet chocolate. (1 cup = 8 ozs, so you do the math :) ) Nix the sugar for bittersweet chocolate
1 cup semisweet or bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup butter (I substitute coconut oil to avoid dairy)
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
Glaze:
1 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup heavy cream (I substitute coconout milk)
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease a 9" round cake pan. Cut a piece of parchment or wax paper, place in the bottom of the pan, and lightly grease.
Melt the chocolate and butter/oil in the microwave until just melted, then add the sugar, salt, and vanilla, mixing thoroughly with a beater. You can also add 1 to 2 teaspoons of espresso powder if desired. (I haven't tried this yet. :) ) Add the eggs, beating until smooth, and then do the same with the cocoa powder.
Pour the batter into your pan and bake for 25 minutes until the cake's internal temperature is 200 degrees. Take out and cool for 5 minutes. Turn onto a serving platter (the cake is now upside down on your plate, which is fine) and allow to cool completely.
For the glaze: heat the chocolate and cream/milk in the microwave until the liquid is hot. Stir until the chocolate is completely melted. Pour the glaze over the cake and cool for several hours before cutting.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Sound yummy? I love this cake. I've never been a huge chocolate cake fan because they tend to be dry, but we have a family recipe that is moist and delicious. This cake is equally so! Let me know if you try it -- I'd love to hear about your results.
Until next month's recipe...
~ Ella
Hump Day Healthy Writer: Journaling
The past couple of weeks have been stressful, and the next couple of weeks promise to be more so. See, I'm releasing a book this Friday. I'm also having surgery. Yes, the same day. It was either that or ruin Christmas with my kids, and I would rather miss a release day. I've been scrambling to get everything finished ahead of time, get my ducks in a row, deal with the anxiety of going under the knife, finish my next book's rough draft that is a month overdue
The past couple of weeks have been stressful, and the next couple of weeks promise to be more so. See, I'm releasing a book this Friday. I'm also having surgery. Yes, the same day. It was either that or ruin Christmas with my kids, and I would rather miss a release day. I've been scrambling to get everything finished ahead of time, get my ducks in a row, deal with the anxiety of going under the knife, finish my next book's rough draft that is a month overdue... I know all about STRESS with a capital S (and every other letter, for that matter!). Luckily I've been able to handle it much better than I did last year, when stress just about landed me in the hospital (and not because I needed surgery). I've learned how to deal, and one of the key ways I've dealt with the chaos is through journaling.
I know what you're thinking -- well, mostly. I resisted journaling for a long time. "It just doesn't work for me," I'd say. "I can't remember to journal every day." Or "Journaling is for teenage girls." Or even "I don't have time to write pages about my feelings -- I need to write pages on my next book!" But all the excuses in the world weren't helping me deal with the stress that had taken over my life and the physical effects it was having on my body.
So I gave in.
“Art is born in attention,” Julia Cameron says in The Artist's Way. “The reward for attention is always healing.” What I found in my own life was that the chaos created by my expectations, demands, and limits kept me from paying attention to my creative voice. I had to get rid of all the chaos to find my creative path again -- so I began writing it all down.
Sounds weird, huh? But that's honestly what I did. Nothing fancy. No following the writing rules or even making sense at some points. I just put pen to paper and let whatever come out. Anything and everything that popped into my mind, it went onto the page at the beginning of the day. Cameron calls these "morning pages," but I've found that they help at any time of the day, whenever the chaos overwhelmed me. I even had my daughter journaling at night before bed, when worry would keep her from sleeping. I call it "brain drain," draining out all the emotion and worry and chaos onto the page so I don't have to carry it around with me.
And you know what? Despite all my protesting, it really works. I don't try to solve anything (though I might write down possible solutions as they come to me). I don't try to explain away what I'm feeling. I just put it down on paper. I leave it there, and often it actually stays put. :) Grab a spiral notebook, nothing fancy, and get everything out.
As time goes on, I find myself having to write less. Oh, I still write every day, but not for an hour. Often now my journaling sessions evolve into plotting sessions for my latest project. It's as if the dam has opened up and my creativity now has the ability to flow without the blockage of stress and worry. As the past couple of weeks have devolved into stress, I've journaled a little more, and found relief there. Yes, there is still a lot to do, and yes, I am still going into the hospital, but I'm not carrying the weight of the world around inside my head, trying to solve everything that needs to be solved. I can put it down on paper and leave it there for a little while.
If you're struggling with stress and worry and find it making you sick and stealing your creativity, this is one thing you can explore that just might help. I know it has me. One step at a time, one little positive move forward. Piled one on top of the other, they can be your building blocks to a healthier, more creative life. Just try it.
~ Ella
Hump Day Healthy Writer
I have a secret: for the past year I've worried that I'd lost my mojo. Sometimes I wondered if I wanted to write at all. Every day at the page seemed to be a battle, and I knew deep down it would be easier to give up the fight and just go back to being someone's employee instead of the boss. The responsible one. The creative one. So why didn't I? Because I couldn't.
I have a secret: for the past year I've worried that I'd lost my mojo. Sometimes I wondered if I wanted to write at all. Every day at the page seemed to be a battle, and I knew deep down it would be easier to give up the fight and just go back to being someone's employee instead of the boss. The responsible one. The creative one. So why didn't I? Because I couldn't.
First, I knew without a doubt that writing is what I'm meant to do. I've always known it. I can't forget about it even if I don't actually do it. So there's that.
Second, I knew that the loss of my creativity -- and that's exactly what it was -- had nothing to do with whether or not I was a writer in my heart. Really it was all about chemistry. My body chemistry. My health. There were a lot of health issues, old and many many new, that were pouring down on my head. They were the thieves stealing my mojo. I just couldn't figure out how to steal it back.
Some days I still don't know. But I'm slowly beginning to understand, to find answers for myself and find others who know answers. And I want to share those answers with you.
Readers or writers, we all have minds, and sometimes those minds don't work like they're supposed to. Mine doesn't, not anymore. I'll get into why in later HDHW posts, but suffice it to say my mind, my moods, my ability to write and sometimes even think has been impacted in a way I never expected -- and was totally clueless how to deal with. I've been on a long journey, and I've learned a little here and there along the way. I'm not a medical professional. I'm not a health guru. I'm just an ordinary woman who had to find answers when no one else seemed to have them. I'm a writer who watched her mind slowly dying and knew she had to do something. If you've ever felt the same, or if you've felt the effects of isolation, constant computer use, and the other tolls of this job (and many others in our tech-heavy world), then this blog series is for you.
And hopefully me, because I want to learn from you too.
Check back the first Wednesday of every month for a new Hump Day Healthy Writer, and share your experiences and what works for you. You never know who can be helped by the small piece of wisdom you possess.
~ Ella
Hard on Ourselves
I've recently lost some weight. I know, I should be jumping for joy, right? But before a recent trip to see family, I stood in the dressing room at Target despairing because my new size was "only" a TEN. I haven't been a size ten in twenty years. I didn't look in the mirror and see all the things that have improved about my body; I saw all the flaws I thought should be fixed still. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Recently cyberspace has been full of articles that "debunk" the idea that marriage is hard work. (Something about a celebrity couple and marriage and what they had to say about it... Whatever.) A couple of weeks ago I happened upon a thread in a friend's Facebook feed asking if the women who followed her agreed or disagreed. So many women said marriage isn't supposed to be "work," and if it is, you're doing something wrong. Which of course means I looked at the marriage I've worked very hard on and despaired. "I must be doing something wrong."
No, no I'm not. Sometimes I think we only value what is easy, when in fact it should be just the opposite. It's easy to value the $50 dinner you only pay for, not prepare, but nothing can compare to that feeling of buying the best ingredients, spending time at the stove, and striving hard to make food you and others will love. Both are good options, but easy doesn't = better.
I'm beginning this week working on my latest book. It doesn't have a title yet, but it has a premise. The things you have to work for are often the best. Hank, my hero, isn't looking for love; he certainly isn't looking for anything complicated. But the moment he meets Sage, he knows she's worth it. She's complicated, and she's hiding secrets that she's afraid Hank won't want to deal with. She's hard on herself. But Hank truly sees her, and is willing to work to make their relationship fulfill both of their needs. There's nothing better than that.
And that's why he's my hero. :)
Try not to be too hard on yourself this week. Enjoy what you have, what has come easily, what has come the hard way, and look forward to both in the future. Every journey is worthy, no matter how hard we have to work to complete it -- we just have to be willing.
~ Ella
March Update
Where have I been? (Sometimes that's what I'd like to know...) It's been a long couple of weeks of being sick around Chez Sheridan, which is why the blog is currently empty of oh-so-sparkling commentary. ;) I just haven't been able to kick this whatever-it-is yet, but hopefully I'll be back on track soon. I DO hope all of you are feeling much better than I am.
In other news, the website is about to get an update -- WOO HOO! Yes, there will be new and wondrous things coming this month: new colors, new man candy, new layouts. Lots of stuff to "ooh" and "aah" over. I feel sorta like a girl about to change the color of her room -- a little giddy and a lot happy.
TAKE ME is underway as well. I'm hoping to have news of a release date soon. Rough draft is getting an overhaul, including new characters, more smexy stuff, definitely more Sam (Gabe's pushy, doncha know, and takes up a lot of page space). Hey, working with two heroes is not as easy as it sounds. ;) But I love these two tough guys and their tough-as-nails heroine. I can't wait to share Gabe, Sam, and Peyton's story with all of you!
And now, I apologize, but after that short and somewhat unsatisfying update, I'm heading back to bed. Can someone bring me a magic get-well pill? No? A whiskey with honey then -- pleeeeaaaase?
Until next week...
~ Ella
A Day in the Life...
This year, in keeping with my New Year's resolution, I want to take the time each month to tell you about something that's happened in my life, a moment, big or small, that meant something to me -- and hopefully to you. And I want to encourage you to look for moments in your day that add meaning, and value, to your life and world. This week is, of course, fairly hectic, with TRUST ME releasing in less than a week (oh boy!). I'm learning I have to give myself moments in the day where, even if things are hectic, I take the time to relax my mind, exercise or even relax my body, just "be." Do you have a place where you can do that? I do! Whenever the weather cooperates -- and sometimes even when it doesn't -- I have a walking trail a few minutes from my house that I visit to de-stress.
Beautiful, isn't it? These were obviously taken in two different seasons, but that's part of what I love about this trail is that it is so soothing no matter when I go. (Sometimes there are more people than others, which might be why I enjoy the colder weather sometimes, but... :) )
The best thing about this area is the water. Many authors find water a creative energizer. Water flowing is soothing for me, both the sound and the movement. I often find myself coming up with new ideas for books or blogs when I walk here. And sometimes the water attracts companions that brighten my day:
Can you see the heron there? At least I think it's a heron; I'm a bit bird illiterate. :) But he was a pretty thing, perched there on the log, watching the water, one stick-like leg holding him up. I passed him twice, and both times he would open his beak and swing his head back and forth real slow as if warning me away. I wanted to hang out with him all day, of course, but he didn't seem to feel the same, so...
What about you; where do you go to get away from it all and de-stress? Does it involve activity, or do you prefer rest (like a massage)?
Don't forget, next weekend is release time! Next Monday I'll be hosting my traditional release day dance par-tay!!! (So obviously I need the R&R this week. :) ) And check back this week for details on the Facebook party coming up this Sunday. It's gonna be so much FUN!
~ Ella
New Year's Resolutions
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
~ "Unwritten," Natasha Beddingfield
This song has struck me hard the past few months. Why? Because I've spent a lot of time working. A lot. There's no better way to describe it except maybe that I've been drowning. So many of us find ourselves in this place at some point in our lives, wondering how to get out of the hole that seems to be consuming us. So many of us never find the answer, but I was determined to. I want to "live with arms wide open," not with my eyes forever on a computer screen. And so my New Year's resolution is just that:
I want to live with my eyes, arms, and heart open -- to my family, to my creativity, to my faith, and most of all, to those around me.
I'm still figuring out what that means for me. My first step is to LOOK UP. I spend a lot of time looking down -- at the computer, at the ground, at my feet because I'm too shy or too self-conscious or too scared to meet other people's eyes. Not anymore. I'm looking up, really trying to see the world around me, not just the characters in my head or the work that's waiting for me.
There will still be plenty of characters, of course. TRUST ME will be here on February 1st. TAKE ME, book three in the Southern Nights series, will be released this spring, featuring the enigmatic Gabe Williams and his twin brother, Sam. Hopefully Ian's book in the Secrets To Hide series will be written and released later this summer. And if all goes well, there just might be a new genre on the horizon. That's right; my paranormal series, The Archai, is on my to-do list this year.
And in and around all of these great books will be lots of moments of living intentionally, of looking up and truly seeing and living, not burying my head in the sand or letting work rule my life. What about you? What is your New Year's resolution this year? Inquiring minds (like mine!) want to know... :)
~ Ella
No Sick Days
There are no sick days in writing.
Okay, for some people there are, but unfortunately I’m not one of them. Between the kids and the editing gig and just plain normal maintenance -- hey, this body didn’t get this way by itself. Actually, it did, but I’m trying to work on that! ;) -- I have to write when I have time, not when I feel like it. And that means writing when I’m sick. Depressed. Just don’t want to.
Suck it up, buttercup. You still have to write.
This week I’m on a deadline. My wonderful editor has sent me revisions that will make Just a Little More a “more better” story. And that means I need to actually follow through on them (imagine that!). I spent this past week struggling through therapy for a bulging disc in my neck, and this weekend both my son and I got hit with a nasty virus (him more than me). All I wanted was to curl up in the bed, cover my head, and sleep the bad feelings away…but I can’t. I have to write. The week ahead is already full of work, and the revisions have to be squeezed in around that. The whip must be cracked and the laptop must be opened. There’s no time to waste on a sick day.
My birthday is coming up in about six weeks. Think I could wish for a sick day when I blow out the candles? ;)
How ’bout you, do you get sick days? Wish you did? Save them for when you aren’t really sick? (Wish I had that option!)
~ Ella
Photo courtesy of mcfarlandmo.
The Rain
It's currently cool and rainy down here in the Deep South. On mornings when I wake up to the gentle patter of rain, it's like a huge sigh settles over my soul -- there's just nothing better than rain. The steady drum, the muffling of outside noise, even the rushing tide of heavy winds when the rain breaks completely free. In all its faces, rain draws me in.
It's my favorite time to walk. Let's face it -- the South gets HAWT, and not in a good way. Considering that my career means sitting on my rear for 90 percent of my day, I know moving is important, both to my mood and my health. But I hate the heat! This past winter I reveled in the few days we got snow, went out and walked in it and felt the soft flakes on my face, but nothing compares to walking in the rain. As Roger Miller says, "Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet." The cool breeze caresses your face, and there's that strange sense of cool wetness on your skin when you aren't actually wet. You know what I mean, right there under your raincoat, with the raindrops beating against you like a massage and the world coated in a hazy gray blanket. All the things that weigh heavy on my mind are coated too, drowned out, and I can just be, there in the rain.
I grew up in an old farmhouse with a tin roof. Lots of houses out in the middle of nowhere in the South have tin roofs, especially the barns, but I was lucky enough that my bedroom was right underneath it, right up there in the eaves, right where the sound of the rain on the metal would resonate in my ears. Sure there were times that the thunder and lightning would scare the bejesus out of me, but mostly I remember how calming that sound was, how it sank down in my chest and felt like home. Even now, when I listen to meditation or sleep programs, I'm drawn to the ones that sound like rivers or streams, the tinkling of water over rocks, the sound that reminds me of the streaming of water down that old tin roof. There's no other sound quite like it.
The absolute best thing about rain, though, is curling up with a good book under a fuzzy blanket while the water pounds away outside. Maybe it's the white noise effect or maybe the sense of being enclosed, cocooned against that relentless force; I don't know. I can lose myself in the sound as much as in the world of the book I'm reading, or maybe that fiction world becomes clearer as reality is dampened by the rain. I know I'm conditioned now -- when it rains, all I want to do is curl up and read. Not a bad way to think, huh?
Does the rain draw you? Why? While you think about it, I'm gonna go curl up. Coffee's calling, and a book, and the rain.
~ Ella
Photos by: Yuliya Libkina, llya, and docoverachiever
The Yin Yang That Is My Life
This week, I go back to the doctor for what seems like the umpteenth time. I'm there every three months for a checkup, and it's something I hate to do. Being a perfectionist, I struggle with the constant feeling that, for my doctor, I can never be good enough -- and I can't. At any given time I find I can only work to improve one thing, and something else inevitably gets left behind. If I'm working hard to stick to my diet, I end up not working out enough. If I'm working out five days a week, I'm not watching what I eat carefully enough (usually because I'm starving after all those workouts!). If I'm working hard on a writing project or a new writing skill, both workouts and diet go by the wayside.
Needless to say, my doc is never completely happy with any of it.
That's not to say I am completely happy with it. If I was, I wouldn't dread going to see him so much. But this year my goal has been to accept imperfection, to realize that no one is perfect -- especially me -- and to be okay with the process instead of some nebulous end result. The yin yang symbol is my daily reminder that no light is completely devoid of darkness, and yet no darkness is completely devoid of light. It's okay not to be perfect as long as I'm striving to improve, and on my darkest days, I am never a complete failure either, no matter how much I might feel like I am.
Yin yang is all about balance. Balance by its very nature cannot be attained if I am perfect all of the time -- and all that perfection would probably make me arrogant anyway. :) If I am perfect in one area, another must naturally fall away. It's that whole "you cannot be all things to all people," except applied to myself. I can't do it all, no matter how much I want to. I'm trying to realize that, accept it, and not beat myself up about it like I have for the last 39 perfectionist-driven years. So when I go into my doctor's office this week and he looks at me and asks how I've been doing, I'll say I've been doing okay and mean it. I'm not required to be anything else. I don't have to be fantastic. I can just be okay -- a work in progress, as we say in the writing world. That work leads to some really great stories, and I look forward to the process. :)
Great minds think alike! Head on over to my sister Dani Wade's blog and see what she has to say about being a WIP today!
*Above picture courtesy of DonkeyHotey on Flickr.
The Joy of Silence
"Silence is a source of great strength." ~ Lao Tzu Sound clutters the mind. I am, by nature, a talker -- I love words and use them often to work out what's in my mind. But I've realized lately exactly how cluttered my mind is, that often I have to fill any silence with, if not actual words, then thoughts of words. I can't go a moment without running conversation through my mind. Silence makes me antsy, yet all that noise in my head is exhausting.
We need rest. Our minds need rest. When I began my publishing journey last year, I was on constant deadline. I was thinking about writing, listening to music to inspire my writing, talking myself through scenes for my writing, talking to others about my writing or my books or my career -- and doing nothing for me, the internal me. The realization that I'd not had a vacation from writing in over two years was illuminating. No wonder I felt burned out. No wonder my mind was tired all the time. And yet when I tried meditation, to immerse myself in the silence, it was virtually impossible. I was too used to the noise.
When I was a kid, we lived in a house with no air-conditioning. So during the summer, we slept with those big box fans running in the bedroom, usually in the window so it would blow the cooler air inside. I loved it, but I didn't love the transition from summer to winter. See, that was when the house went from no air-conditioning to only wood heat, and we went from all that glorious noise at night to complete silence. I hated it. I'd toss and turn and try to sleep, and all I could hear was the silence after that big, noisy fan was put away. The lack of noise was a void I couldn't ignore for the sake of sinking into the silence. And yet the absence of sound slowly became the norm again, and I could sleep without the interference between me and the silence.
I think, in today's busy, modern, information-filled world, the value of silence is even higher. We need the silence to calm our minds. We need to teach our kids to find themselves in the quiet rather than having to constantly be fed on chaos. The more we practice silence, the easier it becomes and the more centered we get. The bits of ourselves that we forgot existed float back to the surface. Like our creativity. Our joy. Our passion. Our hunger for something other than chaos. It's a hard transition, but one I think is well worth it.
In the silence, we rediscover who we are.
How very true that is. And what strength we find on the journey.
~ Ella
A Little Secret
The weekend before last I was given the privilege of teaching a small workshop at my local Romance Writers of America chapter's annual retreat. I wanted something new and a bit different from other workshop topics I'd heard often, since the writers' circuit tends to focus on certain areas (craft, business) and not on others. Say, for instance, the personal and private fears of an author. So of course that's what I chose to talk about. (I like to torture myself that way, ya know. ;) ) http://gamemoir.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/doctor-wait-what.gif
Wait, pause for the smirk. *smirk* Okay, let's get serious again.
What personal and private fears did I talk about? Fear of failure and perfectionism. I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm a perfectionist. I know, I was shocked too, but it's true! I really am a perfectionist, a hard-core one, in fact. And that drive for perfection led to some very real fears when I decided to pursue publishing, the biggest of all being, What if I fail? Now that I'm published, that fear of failure has morphed, not gone away. What if my next book isn't as good as my last? What if my publisher doesn't want any more books? What if my book doesn't perform as well as expected?
What if, what if, what if? It can become like a rat race in your head, literally driving you crazy. That's what happened to me. The "crazy" became so bad I couldn't write. All I could hear were those questions spinning through my head, unending, paralyzing, blocking out the voices of my characters and my love of writing. A problem like that doesn't just go away -- it takes time and kindness to yourself and patience and, sometimes, help from outside sources. But it can be made better. You can learn to deal with it, walk through it. It doesn't have to kill your love of writing or anything else you love to do well.
The number one thing I learned as I suffered through this tough time was this: Failure is not inevitable, but if it does happen, it's not the end of the world. (Again, shocking, I know! :) ) But I learned something else too: Failure can be just the beginning of some very satisfying things. Sometimes we have to slug through the struggles to get where we want to be.
There is a Chinese proverb that goes like this: "Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up." Don't refuse to get back up. Failure happens, but it's not always a bad thing. We don't have to be perfect; we just have to keep trying. That's what I'm striving for this year, to keep trying, keep getting better, keep moving forward. Whether that leads to failure or not, I firmly believe that it's the trying that makes us a success.
~ Ella